Ma Wedensday! Pre- dawn rumination.

We had a rough, fractured night. Some nights suck the life-force out of you. You question your circumstance, and your very existence.

You yearn to be carefree and untethered. You crave a long, hot, calming hour or two in the bath. You wish you did not have to chose between a nightly shower or having a clean kitchen to start off the day with.

You want to magically be converted into a speck of sand along the sea; insignificant and unknown. You want your cares to be bundled up and launched into the sky; never to fall back or return.

You want ear- splitting, heart- thudding, blaring music in your car again.

You want to stay out late, and eat whatever you want and whenever you wish to.

You wish you could stop tip- toeing around in the dark,  and not to have to watch your language as your little toe stubs into the chair leg.

You want to cut, and read, and live; without being guilt ridden.

You lay awake,as dawn approaches; knowing that trying to sleep is an otiose undertaking. While the world  around you sleeps, you have unlikely company- some coffee, a croissant, news and infant Panadol. Ha…

 

 

You want your old life back.

You want your old life back.

Oh noo, you don’t! Absolutely not!

Can momentary ambivalence and resentment be held against a mother? 

Or shall we pass it off as temporary madness instigated by sleep deprivation, worry and stress?

 

Till next time..

Dr J.